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Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Save My Marriage Or Relationship - Getting to the Core ofRelationship Problems By Peter J Granger
Many people search on my website because their relationship hasrun into difficulties and they are looking for help or ideas.The truth is that sustaining a successful romantic relationshipis one of the hardest things we will ever do in life. Afterfalling in love and the ‘honeymoon’ period, we all have to workon our relationships. This is because relationships bring up ourdeepest fears and insecurities. We can even think ofrelationship problems as our best opportunity to heal ourpersonal issues – that is why we have come together with ourpartner.
I could offer you some temporary fixes to an ailingrelationship, but if we are really going to save it and turn itinto a lifetime partnership we must learn how to work on thenegative issues that come up between us and a partner. To save arelationship and make it sustainable into the future we must bewilling to heal the core issues that have caused it to run intodifficulties in the first place.
Unexpressed Fear and Needs
All relationship problems arise from a breakdown in the lovingconnection between two people. There will always be somenegative emotions that have not been expressed in therelationship – it is the fear associated with these, usuallyunconscious, feelings that destroys the relationship. Theunexpressed feelings cause us to separate from our partnerbecause we do not want them to see our negative side in casethey reject us. Ironically, this is exactly what our protectivestrategy brings about!
Out of our fear comes our needs and these create demands on ourpartners. If there is a problem in a relationship, one or moresignificant need is NOT being met. Interestingly this will bethe same need that your partner also feels is lacking in therelationship. By identifying your unmet needs you can give thissame thing to your partner and they will automatically begin togive this same thing back to you. It is even better if you cantalk about your fears and needs with your partner in anemotionally mature way. Honest and heartfelt communication isthe best way to save a relationship. It can take courage toexpress your feelings but this is the way forward in arelationship problem. Sometimes it takes time and the help of athird party to do this, so you might consider some counselling.As you communicate about your unmet needs and fears you willfind that your partner shares them and any problems will thenfall away.
Arguments and Rows
Relationship fights are about who is going to meet the needs ofthe other person. Given that they are always shared by bothpartners, you can see how futile this is. To end an argument andprevent others occurring you must be willing to stop the fightover needs and think about what you could give to therelationship to make it better. Such leadership only comes whenwe recognise the cause of the fights and gain sufficientemotional maturity not to be triggered into anger and attack.
Judgements
Our judgements about our partners are really ourself-judgements. We project out the parts of ourselves that wedo not like on the people around us. What are you judging inyour partner? What annoys you about them? Perhaps they arealways busy at work and you don’t feel they value you. If so,how much do you value yourself and how much quality time do yougive to yourself. By working on your own self-esteem (see mywebsite for more ideas) you will become more attractive to yourpartner. After all, they fell in love with you because of thepositive qualities they saw in you – find these again inyourself, embody them with all your senses and start giving themonce again.
Spirituality
If you have a spiritual or religious belief you can ask forhelp and guidance from God (or however you know a divine orspiritual presence in your life). At the core of allrelationship problems is a loss of faith in our own spirit anddivine, loving connections. In fact we are afraid of this muchconnection – afraid of a spiritual oneness where there is justlove for ourselves, everybody and everything. It seems that wecreate our relationship problems to avoid accepting our trueloving destinies. Any spiritual practice will help withre-connecting with our spirit and help us to find peace and lovein our romantic relationships.
Love
I assume you first got together with your partner because youfelt so much love for them. At that time you both put aside yourfears and needs and discovered unconditional love. Being humanmeans that those fears often return but we can heal them bestwith a partner providing we are willing and brave enough to gointo those areas of pain in our mind that we have hidden away.We avoid expressing our pain because we don’t want our partnerto see what we perceive as a weakness – we fear they will rejectus and leave us, and yet if we don’t express them therelationship is at great risk. Therefore a willingness to openour hearts and just become more authentic will always reveal thetruth in a relationship and allow both partners to grow and taketheir lives forward.
So what is it that is holding your relationship back? Now isthe time to grasp the nettle and open your heart. Feel into yourown pain and hidden insecurities and realise that these are alsoin your partner, but probably cleverly hidden by compensatorybehaviour. Your partner needs your help and you currently havemore emotional awareness. They need your forgiveness for anyfailings and your emotional courage to inspire them to healtheir own insecurities. Pour your love, appreciation andgratitude onto your partner and re-discover all those thingsthat you adored about them in the beginning.
About the Author: Peter Granger is an acclaimed relationshipcounsellor and life coach. He is a trainer with the Psychologyof Vision. He runs relationship and self-development workshopsin the UK. For more free relationship advice and informationabout his book, go to http://www.iloveyouloveme.com
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link:http://www.isnare.com/?aid=266530&ca=RelationshipsSave My Marriage Or Relationship - Getting to the Core ofRelationship ProblemsBy Peter J Granger
Many people search on my website because their relationship hasrun into difficulties and they are looking for help or ideas.The truth is that sustaining a successful romantic relationshipis one of the hardest things we will ever do in life. Afterfalling in love and the ‘honeymoon’ period, we all have to workon our relationships. This is because relationships bring up ourdeepest fears and insecurities. We can even think ofrelationship problems as our best opportunity to heal ourpersonal issues – that is why we have come together with ourpartner.
I could offer you some temporary fixes to an ailingrelationship, but if we are really going to save it and turn itinto a lifetime partnership we must learn how to work on thenegative issues that come up between us and a partner. To save arelationship and make it sustainable into the future we must bewilling to heal the core issues that have caused it to run intodifficulties in the first place.
Unexpressed Fear and Needs
All relationship problems arise from a breakdown in the lovingconnection between two people. There will always be somenegative emotions that have not been expressed in therelationship – it is the fear associated with these, usuallyunconscious, feelings that destroys the relationship. Theunexpressed feelings cause us to separate from our partnerbecause we do not want them to see our negative side in casethey reject us. Ironically, this is exactly what our protectivestrategy brings about!
Out of our fear comes our needs and these create demands on ourpartners. If there is a problem in a relationship, one or moresignificant need is NOT being met. Interestingly this will bethe same need that your partner also feels is lacking in therelationship. By identifying your unmet needs you can give thissame thing to your partner and they will automatically begin togive this same thing back to you. It is even better if you cantalk about your fears and needs with your partner in anemotionally mature way. Honest and heartfelt communication isthe best way to save a relationship. It can take courage toexpress your feelings but this is the way forward in arelationship problem. Sometimes it takes time and the help of athird party to do this, so you might consider some counselling.As you communicate about your unmet needs and fears you willfind that your partner shares them and any problems will thenfall away.
Arguments and Rows
Relationship fights are about who is going to meet the needs ofthe other person. Given that they are always shared by bothpartners, you can see how futile this is. To end an argument andprevent others occurring you must be willing to stop the fightover needs and think about what you could give to therelationship to make it better. Such leadership only comes whenwe recognise the cause of the fights and gain sufficientemotional maturity not to be triggered into anger and attack.
Judgements
Our judgements about our partners are really ourself-judgements. We project out the parts of ourselves that wedo not like on the people around us. What are you judging inyour partner? What annoys you about them? Perhaps they arealways busy at work and you don’t feel they value you. If so,how much do you value yourself and how much quality time do yougive to yourself. By working on your own self-esteem (see mywebsite for more ideas) you will become more attractive to yourpartner. After all, they fell in love with you because of thepositive qualities they saw in you – find these again inyourself, embody them with all your senses and start giving themonce again.
Spirituality
If you have a spiritual or religious belief you can ask forhelp and guidance from God (or however you know a divine orspiritual presence in your life). At the core of allrelationship problems is a loss of faith in our own spirit anddivine, loving connections. In fact we are afraid of this muchconnection – afraid of a spiritual oneness where there is justlove for ourselves, everybody and everything. It seems that wecreate our relationship problems to avoid accepting our trueloving destinies. Any spiritual practice will help withre-connecting with our spirit and help us to find peace and lovein our romantic relationships.
Love
I assume you first got together with your partner because youfelt so much love for them. At that time you both put aside yourfears and needs and discovered unconditional love. Being humanmeans that those fears often return but we can heal them bestwith a partner providing we are willing and brave enough to gointo those areas of pain in our mind that we have hidden away.We avoid expressing our pain because we don’t want our partnerto see what we perceive as a weakness – we fear they will rejectus and leave us, and yet if we don’t express them therelationship is at great risk. Therefore a willingness to openour hearts and just become more authentic will always reveal thetruth in a relationship and allow both partners to grow and taketheir lives forward.
So what is it that is holding your relationship back? Now isthe time to grasp the nettle and open your heart. Feel into yourown pain and hidden insecurities and realise that these are alsoin your partner, but probably cleverly hidden by compensatorybehaviour. Your partner needs your help and you currently havemore emotional awareness. They need your forgiveness for anyfailings and your emotional courage to inspire them to healtheir own insecurities. Pour your love, appreciation andgratitude onto your partner and re-discover all those thingsthat you adored about them in the beginning.
About the Author: Peter Granger is an acclaimed relationshipcounsellor and life coach. He is a trainer with the Psychologyof Vision. He runs relationship and self-development workshopsin the UK. For more free relationship advice and informationabout his book, go to http://www.iloveyouloveme.com
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link:http://www.isnare.com/?aid=266530&ca=RelationshipsSave My Marriage Or Relationship - Getting to the Core ofRelationship ProblemsBy Peter J Granger
Many people search on my website because their relationship hasrun into difficulties and they are looking for help or ideas.The truth is that sustaining a successful romantic relationshipis one of the hardest things we will ever do in life. Afterfalling in love and the ‘honeymoon’ period, we all have to workon our relationships. This is because relationships bring up ourdeepest fears and insecurities. We can even think ofrelationship problems as our best opportunity to heal ourpersonal issues – that is why we have come together with ourpartner.
I could offer you some temporary fixes to an ailingrelationship, but if we are really going to save it and turn itinto a lifetime partnership we must learn how to work on thenegative issues that come up between us and a partner. To save arelationship and make it sustainable into the future we must bewilling to heal the core issues that have caused it to run intodifficulties in the first place.
Unexpressed Fear and Needs
All relationship problems arise from a breakdown in the lovingconnection between two people. There will always be somenegative emotions that have not been expressed in therelationship – it is the fear associated with these, usuallyunconscious, feelings that destroys the relationship. Theunexpressed feelings cause us to separate from our partnerbecause we do not want them to see our negative side in casethey reject us. Ironically, this is exactly what our protectivestrategy brings about!
Out of our fear comes our needs and these create demands on ourpartners. If there is a problem in a relationship, one or moresignificant need is NOT being met. Interestingly this will bethe same need that your partner also feels is lacking in therelationship. By identifying your unmet needs you can give thissame thing to your partner and they will automatically begin togive this same thing back to you. It is even better if you cantalk about your fears and needs with your partner in anemotionally mature way. Honest and heartfelt communication isthe best way to save a relationship. It can take courage toexpress your feelings but this is the way forward in arelationship problem. Sometimes it takes time and the help of athird party to do this, so you might consider some counselling.As you communicate about your unmet needs and fears you willfind that your partner shares them and any problems will thenfall away.
Arguments and Rows
Relationship fights are about who is going to meet the needs ofthe other person. Given that they are always shared by bothpartners, you can see how futile this is. To end an argument andprevent others occurring you must be willing to stop the fightover needs and think about what you could give to therelationship to make it better. Such leadership only comes whenwe recognise the cause of the fights and gain sufficientemotional maturity not to be triggered into anger and attack.
Judgements
Our judgements about our partners are really ourself-judgements. We project out the parts of ourselves that wedo not like on the people around us. What are you judging inyour partner? What annoys you about them? Perhaps they arealways busy at work and you don’t feel they value you. If so,how much do you value yourself and how much quality time do yougive to yourself. By working on your own self-esteem (see mywebsite for more ideas) you will become more attractive to yourpartner. After all, they fell in love with you because of thepositive qualities they saw in you – find these again inyourself, embody them with all your senses and start giving themonce again.
Spirituality
If you have a spiritual or religious belief you can ask forhelp and guidance from God (or however you know a divine orspiritual presence in your life). At the core of allrelationship problems is a loss of faith in our own spirit anddivine, loving connections. In fact we are afraid of this muchconnection – afraid of a spiritual oneness where there is justlove for ourselves, everybody and everything. It seems that wecreate our relationship problems to avoid accepting our trueloving destinies. Any spiritual practice will help withre-connecting with our spirit and help us to find peace and lovein our romantic relationships.
Love
I assume you first got together with your partner because youfelt so much love for them. At that time you both put aside yourfears and needs and discovered unconditional love. Being humanmeans that those fears often return but we can heal them bestwith a partner providing we are willing and brave enough to gointo those areas of pain in our mind that we have hidden away.We avoid expressing our pain because we don’t want our partnerto see what we perceive as a weakness – we fear they will rejectus and leave us, and yet if we don’t express them therelationship is at great risk. Therefore a willingness to openour hearts and just become more authentic will always reveal thetruth in a relationship and allow both partners to grow and taketheir lives forward.
So what is it that is holding your relationship back? Now isthe time to grasp the nettle and open your heart. Feel into yourown pain and hidden insecurities and realise that these are alsoin your partner, but probably cleverly hidden by compensatorybehaviour. Your partner needs your help and you currently havemore emotional awareness. They need your forgiveness for anyfailings and your emotional courage to inspire them to healtheir own insecurities. Pour your love, appreciation andgratitude onto your partner and re-discover all those thingsthat you adored about them in the beginning.
About the Author: Peter Granger is an acclaimed relationshipcounsellor and life coach. He is a trainer with the Psychologyof Vision. He runs relationship and self-development workshopsin the UK. For more free relationship advice and informationabout his book, go to http://www.iloveyouloveme.com
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link:http://www.isnare.com/?aid=266530&ca=RelationshipsSave My Marriage Or Relationship - Getting to the Core ofRelationship ProblemsBy Peter J Granger
Many people search on my website because their relationship hasrun into difficulties and they are looking for help or ideas.The truth is that sustaining a successful romantic relationshipis one of the hardest things we will ever do in life. Afterfalling in love and the ‘honeymoon’ period, we all have to workon our relationships. This is because relationships bring up ourdeepest fears and insecurities. We can even think ofrelationship problems as our best opportunity to heal ourpersonal issues – that is why we have come together with ourpartner.
I could offer you some temporary fixes to an ailingrelationship, but if we are really going to save it and turn itinto a lifetime partnership we must learn how to work on thenegative issues that come up between us and a partner. To save arelationship and make it sustainable into the future we must bewilling to heal the core issues that have caused it to run intodifficulties in the first place.
Unexpressed Fear and Needs
All relationship problems arise from a breakdown in the lovingconnection between two people. There will always be somenegative emotions that have not been expressed in therelationship – it is the fear associated with these, usuallyunconscious, feelings that destroys the relationship. Theunexpressed feelings cause us to separate from our partnerbecause we do not want them to see our negative side in casethey reject us. Ironically, this is exactly what our protectivestrategy brings about!
Out of our fear comes our needs and these create demands on ourpartners. If there is a problem in a relationship, one or moresignificant need is NOT being met. Interestingly this will bethe same need that your partner also feels is lacking in therelationship. By identifying your unmet needs you can give thissame thing to your partner and they will automatically begin togive this same thing back to you. It is even better if you cantalk about your fears and needs with your partner in anemotionally mature way. Honest and heartfelt communication isthe best way to save a relationship. It can take courage toexpress your feelings but this is the way forward in arelationship problem. Sometimes it takes time and the help of athird party to do this, so you might consider some counselling.As you communicate about your unmet needs and fears you willfind that your partner shares them and any problems will thenfall away.
Arguments and Rows
Relationship fights are about who is going to meet the needs ofthe other person. Given that they are always shared by bothpartners, you can see how futile this is. To end an argument andprevent others occurring you must be willing to stop the fightover needs and think about what you could give to therelationship to make it better. Such leadership only comes whenwe recognise the cause of the fights and gain sufficientemotional maturity not to be triggered into anger and attack.
Judgements
Our judgements about our partners are really ourself-judgements. We project out the parts of ourselves that wedo not like on the people around us. What are you judging inyour partner? What annoys you about them? Perhaps they arealways busy at work and you don’t feel they value you. If so,how much do you value yourself and how much quality time do yougive to yourself. By working on your own self-esteem (see mywebsite for more ideas) you will become more attractive to yourpartner. After all, they fell in love with you because of thepositive qualities they saw in you – find these again inyourself, embody them with all your senses and start giving themonce again.
Spirituality
If you have a spiritual or religious belief you can ask forhelp and guidance from God (or however you know a divine orspiritual presence in your life). At the core of allrelationship problems is a loss of faith in our own spirit anddivine, loving connections. In fact we are afraid of this muchconnection – afraid of a spiritual oneness where there is justlove for ourselves, everybody and everything. It seems that wecreate our relationship problems to avoid accepting our trueloving destinies. Any spiritual practice will help withre-connecting with our spirit and help us to find peace and lovein our romantic relationships.
Love
I assume you first got together with your partner because youfelt so much love for them. At that time you both put aside yourfears and needs and discovered unconditional love. Being humanmeans that those fears often return but we can heal them bestwith a partner providing we are willing and brave enough to gointo those areas of pain in our mind that we have hidden away.We avoid expressing our pain because we don’t want our partnerto see what we perceive as a weakness – we fear they will rejectus and leave us, and yet if we don’t express them therelationship is at great risk. Therefore a willingness to openour hearts and just become more authentic will always reveal thetruth in a relationship and allow both partners to grow and taketheir lives forward.
So what is it that is holding your relationship back? Now isthe time to grasp the nettle and open your heart. Feel into yourown pain and hidden insecurities and realise that these are alsoin your partner, but probably cleverly hidden by compensatorybehaviour. Your partner needs your help and you currently havemore emotional awareness. They need your forgiveness for anyfailings and your emotional courage to inspire them to healtheir own insecurities. Pour your love, appreciation andgratitude onto your partner and re-discover all those thingsthat you adored about them in the beginning.
About the Author: Peter Granger is an acclaimed relationshipcounsellor and life coach. He is a trainer with the Psychologyof Vision. He runs relationship and self-development workshopsin the UK. For more free relationship advice and informationabout his book, go to http://www.iloveyouloveme.com
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link:http://www.isnare.com/?aid=266530&ca=Relationships